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Keeping yourself grounded

S1
E6
8mins

In this episode, Rabbi Josh Feigelson examines the value of knowing oneself and self-awareness through “yesod,” a trait that embodies rootedness and groundedness.

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There’s a statement in the Talmud attributed to an ancient sage named Rabbi Chanina: “I have learned much from my teachers, more from my colleagues, but from my students most of all.”

(Photo: Getty Images)

That’s certainly true in my case, and there’s one story in particular that illustrates it amazingly well.

My first job out of rabbinic school was at Northwestern University Hillel. One year we were interviewing applicants for an “engagement” fellowship, designed for Jewish students who were highly connected — we might call them influencers today — and in a position to engage their fellow students in the beauty of Jewish life. 

During the interviews, I thought it was important to introduce the idea of Torah study — since a bit of study with me was going to be part of the fellowship experience.

I chose one of my favorite passages of Jewish text: three questions by the ancient sage Hillel the Elder. You may have heard them: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? When I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?” 

I printed them out on a sheet of paper. During the interview, I slid the paper over to the student and said, “I’d like you to read these three questions and reflect on them. What do they mean to you?” Non-threatening, engaging (hopefully).

Now, these questions are among the most well-known texts in Judaism. I’m a rabbi. By the time I was doing these interviews, I had studied them and thought about them dozens or even hundreds of times. But during one interview, one student named Joey Kahn blew my mind with his answers.

(Photo: Getty Images)

“If I’m not myself, who will be for me?” Like almost all of the interviewees, I probably would have said something like, “I think it means that you have to stick up for yourself.”

That might be what you’re thinking too. But not Joey. You know what he said? After he paused for a few seconds, he said: “If I’m not for myself, who will be for me? My family will be for me.”

I was floored. It had never even occurred to me to answer the question this way. But of course: If I can’t be for me, my family would. Hopefully, yours would too. I thought: Wow, this kid must have been held a lot as a baby.

I don’t honestly remember Joey’s answer to the second question. But I remember his answer to the third, which was equally profound: “If not now, when?”

Most of us — including you, right now — would probably paraphrase this question as “carpe diem” — seize the day. Don’t procrastinate. Get it done. But Joey? He had a totally different take: “If not now, when? Yeah, if now’s not the right time, you really gotta know when the right time is.”

I nearly fell out of my chair. Here I was, an ordained rabbi who had uttered this question hundreds of times, and this interpretation had never even occurred to me. Truly, I learned more from my student that day than from my teachers and colleagues, and I’ve taught this story ever since.

To me, Joey’s interpretation of Hillel’s questions embodies our middah or character trait this sixth week of the Omer, which is Yesod. Yesod literally means foundation. It’s the bringing together of Netzach and Hod, Strength and Humility, which were our themes for the previous two weeks.

When we integrate and balance them, we get Yesod: A sense of rootedness, groundedness, which is both strong and flexible.

When we integrate and balance Netzach and Hod, Strength and Humility, we get Yesod: A sense of rootedness, groundedness, which is both strong and flexible.

When I think of Yesod, I think of really knowing who I am — and being able to wear my identity lightly. I am for myself without being selfish, I serve others without being self-abasing, and I feel attuned that my actions come at the right moment. Yesod is bringing it all together.

On last week’s show, I invited you to explore gratitude journaling as a practice. This week I’d like to invite you to continue the journaling practice, but to focus it on Hillel’s three questions, in the spirit of tapping into and strengthening our Yesod, our foundation.

(Photo: Getty Images)

Try to find a quiet place and let yourself be calm. Give yourself some time to arrive. Then, when you’re ready, take up the first question: If I’m not for myself, who will be for me? How does this question speak to you right now?

You might think about your own self-assertiveness — do you sense you need to strengthen it or adjust it in some way? You might think the way Joey did: Who else will be for you? Who are your supporters, the people who sustain you, your spiritual hype team? 

Who else will be for you? Who are your supporters, the people who sustain you, your spiritual hype team? 

You might want to focus just on that first question for one day. Or you could move through all three. Whenever it’s right, consider the second question:

When I am for myself, what am I? How do you feel when you assert yourself? Pleasant, unpleasant, something else? Are there ways in which you sense you might attune yourself a little more to the needs of others, or someone else in particular? What might that look like? How might it feel? 

And finally, the third question: If not now, when? Is there something important you’ve been putting off, something you want to finally do? What, if anything, do you sense has been holding you back? What, if anything, might help you to finally take action?

Is there something important you’ve been putting off, something you want to finally do? What, if anything, might help you to finally take action?

And consider turning the question around: Do you find you might rush into things a little too quickly? Do you have doubts about whether now is really the right time? If so, let yourself be quiet and listen, and see if you can discern what your heart has to say about whether now is the right time.

Notice how this practice feels. Try it out and see if it’s helpful. And let us know how it goes. 

Blessings for the journey. I hope you’ll join us next time.

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